但你可注意到山姆二世看著你時抿起的嘴角？那意味著：
第一，他並不希望你叫他山姆二世；
另外，它也意味著他左褲管裡有鋸短槍膛的獵槍，右褲管裡有打包鉤。
只要一有機會，他隨時可以用這些工具殺死你。
作父親的吃了一驚。在這樣的衝突中，他經常說的是：
「小兔崽子，你小時候還是我幫你換的尿片呢！」
這話並不合適。
第一，它不正確（十片尿布中，有九片是媽媽換的）；
第二，它立即提醒了山姆二世自己為什麼生氣。
他生氣是因為他那樣幼小時，而你卻已是成人？
不，不是因為這個；
他生氣是因為他那樣柔弱無助時，而你卻孔武有力？
不，也不是因為這個；
生氣是因為他是個代替品，而你卻是真正的主體？
不，也並不完全如此；
他發怒是因為在他愛你的時候，你卻毫不察覺。
－Donald Barthelme (The Dead Father)
星期五, 1月 27, 2006
星期三, 1月 11, 2006
不要再為熊貓吵了！
有鑒於連日來在中華職棒論壇上政治魔人對兩隻熊貓來台灣的事吵個不停，於是本人發起了一個「不要吵了，來為兩隻熊貓命名」討論，本來只是為了亂入一下，所以內文是：
大家都知道熊貓是中國的四川才有的動物，所以為了讓大家一聽到名字就想到四川，我推薦叫第一隻熊貓
他奶奶
小朋友問那隻熊貓叫什麼名字，解說員就可以說：「啊，那隻就是叫他奶奶的熊....貓啊」
然後為了展現本土，並對稱四川風味的名字，比較聽話的那隻應該叫
拎祖媽
這樣小朋友問起哪隻熊貓比較乖的時候，解說員就可以說：「阿捏喔，拎祖媽卡好啦」
大家覺得好嗎？
沒想到一貼出就有人提出不同的命名提案：
言者：神棍
ＩＰ：219.68.122.33
回應時間：
2006/1/7 下午 03:33:00
回覆內容：
公的~格老子
母的~幹你娘
發言者：qoqoo
ＩＰ：211.74.122.138
回應時間：
2006/1/7 下午 03:38:00
回覆內容：
反飛彈
愛台灣
發言者：快樂陽光
ＩＰ：59.121.201.78
回應時間：
2006/1/7 下午 03:42:00
回覆內容：
優質牛迷建議:
趕羚羊
草枝擺
發言者：快樂陽光
ＩＰ：59.121.201.78
回應時間：
2006/1/7 下午 04:12:00
回覆內容：
還有 愛台灣的兄弟象迷
建議命名這兩隻中共熊貓:
”挫起來 !”
”去死啦 !”
最後有個網友提出了讓人忍不住大笑的提議：
發言者：黑媒是白吃
ＩＰ：220.133.8.249
回應時間：
2006/1/7 下午 04:56:00
回覆內容：
一隻叫 台台
一隻叫 獨獨
大家有熊貓看 又不說被統戰 又可以氣大陸
之後雖然有泛藍的朋友說公的叫「嘟嘟」母的叫「莉莉」比較有可能命名成功，但是我需多朋友還是覺得「台台」和「獨獨」比較好笑。
最好是全國徵名後，大家串連，全民同意叫「台台」和「獨獨」然後就一直邀請中國高層來台灣看台台和獨獨。
看完了記者再問：「請問書記您對台台和獨獨在台灣有什麼看法？」
的確滿好笑的 Orz...
不過 I'll settle for 公的叫「嘟嘟」母的叫「莉莉」...星期六, 1月 07, 2006
10 reasons Gay Marriage is wrong:
10 reasons Gay Marriage is wrong:
1. Being gay is not natural. And as you know Americans have always rejected unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because, as you know, a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed. The sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
1. Being gay is not natural. And as you know Americans have always rejected unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because, as you know, a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed. The sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
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